Voice
Poems
By Tony Page
October - November 2001
___________________
Take a Wish Walk
Take a wish walk
Today. Right now
Through the tall
Proud
Empire you work in
Take a left fork
At reception
Past the smile talk
Deflection
Through the back of house
Wear your spectacles
To see close up
All the obstacles
Crap
We all endure
Sense pent-up feelings
Heavy silence..
.. masked, concealing..
..frenzy
Covering what we want
Start to wish for
Something lifting
Feel it, believe it more
Not resisting
The idea we can have it
Approach someone and ask
What are you feeling now?
Penetrate the vast
Concealing shroud
To find their pulse
Notice the rising force
Melting isolation
Sexual metaphor
Potential creation
That makes sense out of work
Take a wish walk
And you'll find
People want talk
Mind
Engaging....
Purpose gripping
Fear diffusing
Right now concocting
The taste of an organisation
We want to work in
__________________________
Change in a nutshell
Could we more happily address
The whole painful process
Of change?
Rearrange
Our minds
Re-"cognise" the
signs
Maybe like this…
Once disturbed
Emotions push us head first
Into blinding fuss
Change changing us
Slogging together through hell
In a nutshell
If you deeply, deeply yearn
Then the flames don't burn
It's only lonely change until
You've voiced your firm
farewell
After that it’s natural force
Shared ambition gushing from
infinite energy source
__________________________
Lines
There is in every airport
A line where that country ends
Cross it and you enter open sky
There are in every building
Walls where one room ends
And the next room begins
There is in every garden
A fence where one home ends
And Nextdoor begins
There are in every meeting
Invisible lines where each person ends
And other people begin
There is round every person
A skin where public-me ends
And another private-me begins
Lines and lines and lines
Is a line a barrier, never to be crossed?
Or the edge of an adventure promising gains as well as loss?
For leader learning is noticing lines
Our work entails exploring, getting lost and redefined
________________________
The Free-Will Game
Design a
game
Thousands
play
Within a
frame
That you
create
Condition
A
Free-will
low
People
wait
Nothing
flows
Until you
drive
They loll
around
Useless
lives
On rotting
ground
Condition
B
More
structure, rules
Organisation
tree
Directing
fools
Slowly
grinding
Cranking
through
People
finding
What to do
Hypnotic
habit
Blind to
drift
Smash and
grab it
Market
shifts… to precipice
Forces
crisis
Change of
pace
No one
likes it
Feeling
fazed
Passive
foot drag
Lack of
faith
Costly
time lags
Work not
play
Leader
voicing
Message
clear
Mines the
feelings
Finds the
fear
Condition
C
Hard level
to reach
Free-will
released
Provided
you teach
Find sense
of purpose
Walk thin
line
Work
within "musts"
And
autonomy high
________________________
Truths out of sync
Silence
You speak what's true
And I react, missing you
You try again
To give me what's real
The earth shattering injustice you feel
But you've set me off
Now I'm excited about
A different earth shattering injustice I feel
And you are frustrated because I can't receive
But I am frustrated because you can't hear me
Silence again
Let's recap
Silence
You said A to me
I heard B
You repeat A to me
I repeat B
Silence again
___________________________
The boundary between us
The whole world outside me
An infinite universe of potential
A vast world inside me
Of memories, current relationships and sense of potential
You are outside me
But as my friend I let you peek into my world
And you let me peek into your world
For brief moments
Voice is the channel
When you speak heartfelt truth to me
Fireworks inside ignite in a chain reaction
And just a little part of this shows
In the reacting truth I Voice thinly back to you
My life-work is at the boundary of me and you
To Voice more of my reaction
Make it larger, more truth laden
For a brief moment
My life-work is at the boundary of you and me
To draw your reaction through your Voice
Let my fireworks ignite yours ignite mine…
In an infinite chain
For a brief moment
Until it is time to close
Which being the way I am
I do more easily than opening
Re-establishing what's mine and yours
Be careful with throwing me your anger
On a bad day I'll stay closed
On a good day
I'll show you it's yours not mine
___________________________
Seeing the larger pattern
Bolt your back door
Hide away
Fear to walk the street
Imagine a suicide bomber round every corner
Since the Pope against the Infidels
History stained with Crusades and Jihads
Crazy religious wars
Atrocity, then outrage and hitting back
An eye for an eye
Across the world
Two world wars then
In every war, the same pattern
Copied in corporate wars
Fear turned into righteous bloody quest for dominance
Not comprehending one-ness
Can we now assemble a different army?
An army of experience
That defeats the reflex to retaliate
That stems the flow of hatred
Gandhi and Mandela saw a larger pattern
Today plunging into a black hole
Destroying economy, jobs, income, lives
Can you make the difference?
Can you unlock your back door
Walk the street, stand tall
Face your enemy
Without hatred, fear, threats or violence
Armed only with Voice?
___________________________
The pressure to split
When you said that's pathetic
I filled up with anger
When you said get on with your job
I shrunk to an angry child
And with each remark
Without either of us knowing
An invisible cloak
Hid what was happening
Me hurting, you moving on to other business
The me in me, was split from you
So if you had said (and of course you didn't)
Are you feeling OK? I would have said yes
But the truth would be an unspeakable no
Since you have the power
Over my project, my job
My money and my life
I don't know
That you know
Or care about
The damage you could do
So you see the pressure
To split
Hiding my truth from you
Is huge
And no matter how open
We say we will be
I just can't trust
It's OK to be me
___________________________
I'll check for you…
Hanging on
Long pause
Splendid tune
Reduced to thin wallpaper musak
Pause again
Yes we can do that for you
Mouthful.
Customer service script.
You can fly back
One day earlier
At the airport
Revalidate ticket
They'll tell you
If there is an extra charge
Can't you tell me?
No!
Mildly irritated
I forget
Probably OK
Just a small change
At the airport
Smart blue uniform.
Can I help you sir?
Formal, creepy mouthful.
Non-endorsable sir
Upgrade to business
Sounds good
Or is it?
Do I have to pay more?
I'll check the fare rules sir
Pause. Calm.
Deep breath. Chill.
Yes. Business outward sir
Economy return
Unless you want
Business return sir
Both braced for the moment
I have no choice
We both know
She coldly does her job
This is ridiculous!
Yes I understand
You're not changing outward sir
But there are the (fare) rules
All you have to do
Is sign here
For the extra payment
Sir
___________________________
Not getting through
It's horrible not getting through
On the phone
Or in the conversation come to that
Getting through is what we want
Through to who?
From me to you and back to me
Or the other way
Through to each other
Blocked by what?
Holding
Holding back
Holding down
Holding in. What?
Through to each other's what?
Truth
Heart
Energy
Passion
Meaning
Source
Or something
Close enough
Alive enough
To trust is truth
Instead separated
Alienated
From each other
Polite conforming
Playing the role
Pompous, correct, serious
Not easy
Not laughing
Until I muster courage
I ask
I try
I challenge
Myself and you
To tell me, show me
What is true
___________________________
Have you been on your
holidays?
Feeling OK
Taking time
out of the day
Sitting
down, unprepared
How would you like it?
Jolted
Suddenly
anxious
My life in
their hands
Well my
head anyway
Do they
care?
Or
understand?
A gulf
between us
Do I know
how to cross it?
Give me the
words
I'm one of
those
Who can't
say it out
Do you know how you want it?
Sadly no
Help me
find out
Don’t
decide for me
Yes, now I
know what - something real
Me: I want a conversation
You want me to talk to you. OK. Lovely
Oh no!
Now I'm not
sure about this
Here we go.
Ding ding!
Hold tight
What do you do?
Look at me
reflected over there
Impassive.
Stony face
Dumb at the
simplest question
Go on. Say
something
What do I
do?
You don't seem very talkative!
Oh God, I
suppose I talk
For a
living
Sounds daft
here
For God's
sake
Wake up
Horrible day isn't it?
Typical,
we're on the weather
Oi! Get out
of that arrogant, superior place
Look again
This is
unusually fine
There's no
clever game
No hidden
agenda
No politics
No selling
ploy
Ah,
curiosity
A real
question to a person
Me: Do you like cutting hair?
Not today. It's too stressy
Sunday's OK. Much calmer
Oh!
Contact! That felt good
We escaped
From role
Into
something real
Momentarily
A gift to
each other
Maybe
that's enough
I did go
away
On my
holidays
But now I'm
back
Do you want to look?
Me: It's fine!
How would you like to pay?
_______________________
Outside - inside
Outside me is the plane cabin
Outside that clouds and sky
Inside me thinking this
Inside that wondering if we'll arrive
Outside is a crisis meeting
Outside that is a struggling firm
Inside me rebasing expectations
Inside that is stomach churn
Outside is a person
Outside that is a setting
Inside is me thinking, doing
Inside me thinking, doing, is me fretting
___________
Our armour plating
Defending
myself
Why?
Protecting
family and health
Without
trying
Almost
unaware, getting by
I'm
on autopilot
Fighting
manfully
How?
Proud
and skilfully
Polishing
image now
Both
covert and out
It's
unending
Deflecting
When?
When
it suits, not affecting
My
cosy mind set
Rock
solid. Get
My
admirable determination
Projecting
my weaker stuff
Where?
Onto
victims, while I puff
Myself
up, rough there
Pretend
fair
To
appear invincible
Introjecting
too
What?
Swallowing
with attitude
Not
questioning that
Just
do, go at
Whatever
the company expects
Retroflecting
Uh?
Dividing
myself, bisecting
Into
good, angry person fed up
With
person two: bad chap
Hopeless
making me fail
Losing
identity
Who?
Blurring
the boundary
Between
me and you
Which
keeps me true
To
who I am
Coming
out of this
What
for?
Tired
of heavy metal-ness
Seeking
comfort
Possibility
of more
Just
to know from you that I exist
And
you doing this to me
Lets
our team be
Happy
and productive
Our
company alive
And
our shared world a place
I'm
enjoying.
______________________________
Voice Arising
Pause. Breathe
Count to 10
Feel your toes, gut, chest, head
From the inside
What is bubbling there?
Pause again. Breathe
Count to 10
Look around the room
Where are you?
Who are you with?
What reaction do you feel?
Pause again. Breathe
Put it together
You inside. The room outside. The people with you
What happens?
What are you aware of?
What do you feel moved to voice?
Three possibilities
1.
Nothing. Response: OK.
Sit with it
2.
Babble. Response. Stop
until you can voice the feeling behind the words
3.
A message. Felt.
Important to convey. Response: Deliver and draw the reaction
Voice your reaction to the reaction
Now their voice has entered your voice.
_____________________________
First find your wound
Take a brave and
honest journey
Back to where you
formed
The child in
family early
Feel the homely
norms
Not forgetting joy
and fun
Riffle through to
key complaint
Find a deep hurt
you had done
Alive still as
personal pain
This character
flaw that’s dogged you
Denying what you
crave
Arising from first
feeling fog
Will be with you
to the grave
Unless you learn
to love it
And in making
friends explore
How the raw emotion
crusted
Covers up your
energy source
Crowded out in
noisy household
I kept my voice
inside
Instead of
telling, being told
Seeking something
but denied
Striving quietly
to earn attention
A perfect little
slave
I never learned to
mention
The thing I really
craved…
… even to know
what it was
Lacking this left
me lost
Cut-off inside
from goings on
Playing along but
feeling bossed
Sadness is my
surface feeling
Behind this an
anger fuel
Kept away from
fire revealing
A fear of getting
ridicule
As I confront what
life gives out
I'm happy all the
way
But noticing I
want to shout
And extend the
role I play
Unravel the knot
inside me
Struggle to
release the part
That’s been
imprisoned feel
The powerful
upstart
Who entertains and
laughs aloud
No worrying about
loss of face
Who feels and
plays the crowd
Who shares and
claims the space
Violent eruption
releasing
My shocking
primitive voice
Scattering
listeners fleeing
It grates but I've
no choice
I
seem quiet and conforming
But
that's just one side of me
I'm
also feeling, loud, reforming
Powerful,
knowing I am free
(That's my
primitive, needy voice)
Reclaiming my side
that feels
Brings a new calm
and power
Doing this the
wound can heal
A new bud begins
to flower
Go back
Start to unravel
the knot at your centre
Tap into the raw
energy
Enjoy your
primitive voice
Feel the joy
________________________________
Four Infectious Human
Conditions
Fear
Slight
prickly sickly doubt
Cuts?
Takeover? Skirmish? Rout?
Fear
rising. Frown. Find out.
Is it
the big fierce bogey spirit?
Eyes
scan warily. Could be s***!
Gut
churning grips and twists
Knees
wobble. Hands shake
Grabbing
support, unbalanced state
Paralysed.
Helpless. Suffocate.
Anticipate
horrible end
Poised
on the brink, rend
Piercing
scream at the next dark bend
Panic.
Run. Must hide
Find a
safer place inside
A
person to shelter beside
Pain
etched momentarily in your face
Flashes
danger signal, lightening races
Round
the entire workplace
The
fear persists, drifting unbound
Still
no specific enemy found
Becomes
normal, toxic background
Work
from the assumption of attack
Corroding
insecurity. Lack.
Always
ready to fight back
___
Anger
Turf
burglar.
You dare
invade
Steal my
oxygen.
Trash my
space
Don't diss
You're in
my face!
Child fool.
Irritating
me
Defying
Cruel tease
I snap
Inhibition
free
Sucking
leech.
Clinging
tight
See me
fierce
Alert,
alight
Aerobic
rage
Evict you
right
Ignorant
colleague.
You cut me
out
Invisible
I fight and
shout
Grabbing
You by the
throat
Once I'm
dissed
Rage
insists
I tell you
It and I
both exist
You'll calm
me only
When you
acknowledge this
___
Sadness
Missing a train
Is a failure
Against plan
Disappointing mess
Easy to forget
Losing a friend
Is a deeper
Descent
Into darkness
And regret
Unspeakable loss
Uncountable
Cost
Waves of sadness
breaking
Over heart broken
aching
Nostalgia persists
Comforting
Twists
Between sobbing and
ease
Fails to release
Changes at work
Deep unnecessary
Hurt
Because feelings
buried. Tension.
Silence, not safe to
mention
Brave faces are set
Immune to
Regret
Hearts numbed to pain
Hidden energy drain
Don't talk about that
It makes us feel
Black
Wait. Feel new light
tone
And the gap start to
close
___
Joy
Bask in
Sumptuous
glowing
Beam
forth
Inner
warmth
Contract
won
Workshop
done
Aftermath
At fire
hearth
Happy
face
Gives
team grace
Tribal
bond
Sing
song
Fills
us up
Together
with love
Ecstasy
Boundless
new possibilities
Spring
in step
Effervesce
_____________________________
Creative Eruptions
An eruption, like a volcano
Producing unformed, raw
Molten lava
Of ideas
When I try to voice
To describe the eruption
Words fail me
But I persevere knowing
This is creation
Only when voiced do I gain
A reaction from you
Through naming, connecting
Limiting
We create truth and
discernment
The creation forms
Into a practical, tangible
Clear idea
Almost like an object
Easier to react to
From here it gets easier
The idea finds its way
Through more conversations
Contracting and enacting its
way
To practical impact in the
world
_________________
The fight to "we"
Hot
Adrenaline
Pumps
Fuelling
Eyeballs
Weapons
Defences
Locked on
Killing
Each other
Fierce opponents
But brothers
Attacking
Straining
FLASH! DURR BRAIN!
Hold with passion
draining
Knowing
Now
Newly
How
Destroying
You
Harms me
Too
Dooms
My family
To fight
Eternally
Realising
You and me
Belong to
We
__________________
Chill Pill
Bus diverted round a
bomb
Passengers locked on
Chill pill
Interrupted by my
daughter in mid flow
Don't disturb me no
Chill pill
Rottweiler bounding up
Pull it back I've had
enough
Chill pill
New virus on the hard
disk
Precious files at risk
Chill pill
Flight home delayed
Stuck abroad late
Chill pill
Client cancels workshop
Revenue drop
Chill pill
Wife shows her rage
Husband badly fazed
Chill pill
Stuck in traffic jam
Cut up by white van
Chill pill
Passion taken as attack
Opponents hitting back
Chill pill
100 times each day
Threatened and afraid
Chill pill
__________________
Fighting and forgiving
Your scalding
Acid words
Burn through
My flesh
Etching
Deep into
My vulnerable
Centre
_______
Inexplicable
To me
Abusive
Ear splitting
Echo
Jackboots thudding
Into
My heart
_______
Refusing
To collude
In my own
Killing
I protest
"You got
Me Wrong!"
_______
Both now
Down
On our knees
Slugging it out
Until
I say
"No more"…
_______
… and close
The shutters
On this dark night
Reopening
Put off indefinitely
To next fresh
Bright dawn
_______
Forgive
For what?
For an end to the numb throbbing pain
For release from the all pervading tension
To refill the empty deafening silence
To stop the war
To transform the terrorism
To recognise my own face in the mirror again
To reclaim my stake in us
For lightening our hearts
For refreshing our souls
Forming the next new thing to happen
To reboot our operating system
To restore communication and community
Energy flow
Love of life
_______
Forgive
How?
Entrusting my fate to the universe
Prizing my fingers from the tight grip of blame
Vulnerable now
What to do next?
Find an olive branch
A simple gesture
Shrug
Oh well
A word
Sorry
A calm look at you
With compassion
Raise eyebrows with a question
Well? Shall we?
Another word
Yes. A nod
Draw a line, but first
Acknowledge you exist
Respect your experience of it
You felt what?
_______
Now at last I've got it
How we got here
You were overwhelmed
Engulfed by a horrible
Sinking
Crushing
Disappointment
_______
Deflating your confidence
In me, us
And you
You winded me
I fought for my breath and life
Not noticing
You were half dead too
_______
This pain
Can be proof
Of passion
Forgiveness
Proves compassion
Restoring me, you
And us
____________________________
Dealing with Gods
When my teacher enraged spoke to me
I forgot what I believed
I only knew how to survive
Was to pretend and contrive
I'm sad now because...
This is my pattern around power
I don't fight or cower
I placate you with a trick
A simple little flip
In the moment of my fear
I discover and appear
To know what you expect
And to play for your respect
It happens every time
With bosses, teachers, clients, friends
But it's hurting me now
Because I've realised how..
This is stopping me being me.
Instead I want my voice to sound
State my feeling, hold my ground
Get you to react and include
Me, as a person, with a view
Proving although I'm not a God, I'm still real and equal to you
A closing question to all Gods
When you're dealing with lowly sods
Like me, and we say yes, that's fine
Do you believe us? Then you're blind.
When you rise up your career
With more power year by year
Maybe all seems equal and fair
But it's a feudal world down here.
When was the last time someone disagreed, spoke back or challenged you?
If you don't make this happen, how do you keep your feet on the ground?
__________________________________
Four Fractal Steps in the Critical Encounter
Your
unreasonable concern
Confronts my
indifference
Ruffles my
smooth contentment
"There's
nothing to worry about"
As you
persist separately, irritatingly
My rising
anger explodes
Denying your
sanity
"You're
out of your mind!"
Later,
losing my winning touch
Falling
results shake my confidence
Dark night
of confusion closing around me
"Oh
God" How do I get out of this?"
Voicing to
each other our terror
Rejoins us
in truth
Renewing
souls re-connecting to source
"Now
we're getting somewhere again!"
__________________________________
Give me your voice
Instead of holding it in
Give me your voice
Raw as it is
Dismiss your censor
Trust me, your colleague
To show you in my reaction
The meaning and truth that arises
At the boundary where our voices meet
Give me your voice
Then I have a choice
To take in unquestioningly your noise
Or react to it
Creating a truth between us
I give you my voice
Then you have a choice
To take in unquestioningly my noise
Or react to it
Creating a truth between us
And when we each react
To the other
I know I exist
And you exist
At the same time together
And separate
With a binding feeling between us
__________________________________
A Facilitator's Way of
Leading
Mike
the magnificent MD thinks I'm selling to him
But
does he know that as we're talking I'm noticing
His
unquestioning self-belief, eroding
My
previously strong desire for enrolling?
Fred
the feisty FD thinks I'm overcharging
But
does he notice that I'm enlarging
The
game, penetrating the muddle
Making
the work worth the trouble?
They
all think I'm starting the meeting
But
do they know I'm opening a clearing for speaking?
Do
the bossier loud people who jostle and drift
Notice
I'm working towards contact and energy shifts?
While
petite Martine from Marketing speaks
Do
we all notice her ambivalence leaks
Through
her polished professional spinning
Unwittingly
brand equity slimming?
Surprised
to see his words on my flipchart
Jack
notices how it uncovers his part
In
a drama of power and ways to get back
Provoking
frustration and angry attacks
Paying
attention but not being heard
Habitually
silent not saying a word
Keri
tells Mike just how she is feeling
Squashed
and afraid, a pattern revealing
Now
everyone's voice has produced a reaction
A
magic arrives and carries to action
The
leader lets go and confidence surges
A
new set of rules for success emerges.
__________________________________